Roberta Jean

My good friend, Roberta Jean, passed away on Christmas Eve morning. I felt the need to post here a small tribute to her.

Thank you for the many laughs. You helped me become a more creative, if not actually better, scrabble player. Your wonderful, imaginative, fun secret santa gifts at our annual friends party were something I looked forward to every year. Especially if you had MY name. I loved hearing about your excursions to New Orleans, Florida, Mexico. Thank you for the friendship.

We will miss you.

It seems at her funeral this Friday, we are to wear our beach wear and flip flops. No black allowed. This helps to define the person Bert was.

RIP.


PS. This does not mean I am back to posting regularly in blogland. I'm too overwhelmed with RL to deal with this too. Just felt a strong need to tonight.

I've decided to take a break from blogging. Not sure how long I'll be gone. Just wanted to let you know, so you don't keep coming back here to find nothing new.

Beautiful day in the neighborhood

Wow! What a beautiful day it was today! Of course I spent most of it (7:30am - 3:30pm) inside working at a swim meet, but I got out in time to enjoy the rest of it!

Tomorrow is going to be even better. Sunny, low 70s. Love it. Well, except for the Asian Bettle Bugs. They look like lady bugs, but aren't as nice.

Oh, and the kids did very well at the meet too!

How was your day/weekend?

redux redux redux

Yup, here we go again. I want to *sigh*, but right now I'm just pissed.

Well, I'm seeing a pattern here. Whenever I do something that shows hope for possible long term sobriety, he f***s it up.

Yes, I said the f word. Well, sort of.

The latest? I just signed up to be a chaperone on a swim meet trip to Indy for Devon. Of course that would mean leaving Marisa behind. She does have a meet as well that weekend. I talked with Don and expressed my concerns, and he kinda blew me off, saying something to the effect of "We'll have to deal with this concern for the rest of my life." I should have followed my gut and not signed up. My friend who I've confided in, who is married to a recovering alcoholic said that to me too. But my typically optimistic self ignored my possible concerns, and proceeded anyway. Now I'm in a pickle. He relapsed this past weekend, and lied about it when all 3 of us could clearly see.

Oh, and last night I told him to get this fixed or get out. Today I will tell him again, in more specific terms. I just have to figure out what those specific terms are. Cause I can't back down.

I plan on being poor rather soon, as he will lose his job, since he signed an agreement to stay sober. Unless he can somehow overcome this lapse without his boss finding out. Yeah. Sure.

Damn, I hate it when I become cynical. It really pisses me off.

Remember this one?

Ok, so I am totally on an old song binge right now. Remember this one by Sheriff?

I never needed love like I need you
And I never lived for nobody, but I live for you
Oooh, babe, lost in love is what I feel when I'm with you

Maybe it's the way you touch me with the warmth of a sun
Maybe it's the way you smile, I come all undone
Oooh, babe, lost in love is that I feel when I'm with you

Baby, oh I get chills when I'm with you
Baby, my world stands still when I'm with you
When I'm with you

I never cared for nobody like I care for you
And I never wanted to share the things I want to share with you
Oooh, babe, lost in love is what I feel when I'm with you

Baby, oh I get chills when I'm with you
Baby, my world stands still when I'm with you
When I'm with you

Baby, oh I get chills when I'm with you
Baby, my world stands still when I'm with you
When I'm with you

stuff

I am so caught up on my work at work that I have to do the filing that I keep putting off. Either that or be bored out of my mind for 7 out of 8 hours a day. I can't play on the computer too much either. I believe they are tracking that more now.

Devon is probably getting braces, and a thing that they call a twin block. It is supposed to help correct his overbite. Anyone with any experience with that?

I had the weirdest dream last night. It was about my crush. Nothing really good, just odd. He kissed me. How does that happen in dreams, anyway? I mean, it seemed like I actually felt it.

I think Warren Sapp is a very good dancer. But he has stick legs.

I am doing a Bible Study at church. This is the first major one I've ever done. We watch a video one week, and then discuss it and some related questions the next. I like the videos. But tonight we had our first discussion week, and it was stunted at best. I hope the discussion gets more involved, or I will lose interest quickly. And it is supposed to last for 20 weeks.

Hilarious!

If you want a good laugh, you have to go check out this link. Hilarious video of a classic 70s song.

Make sure to turn the volume down first before you open it, because it comes across very loudly. And watch the whole thing.

What's new?

Nothing much new going on here. I've been very busy with work. Plus the kids are back in school and swim, so I've been busy with that too. Parent meetings, coordinating 4 different car pools, just getting back in the groove. Crazy.

This week has been fun for me! My lifetime best friend is in town from Holland. I haven't seen her for 8 years! She brought her wife with her, and I think she is great too! We've had a blast talking Dutch, and reminiscing about our childhood. We grew up together, going to school together through 4th grade, but still staying close through high school, even though we were polar opposites. She is the one person who I know I can count on for anything, and even not seeing for 8 years, know I can pick up just where we left off.

I am totally behind on the OT bookclub. I've had good intentions, but they led to nothing. I actually have read WAKE before, and loved it, but have had no time to post. Plus I'm kind of staying away from OT for a bit. Just need a little break. I have the next book, and just finished a book for my other IRL book club, so I think I'll give this one a shot. I have to finish Three Junes yet too, since I'm hosting that one! I've got a month. I should be able to do that.

So, what's new with you?

11 years ago

Marisa was born! Happy Birthday little girl! You will always be my little girl. Even when you are taller than me, which will probably happen in the next few years. Even when you are sassy and bratty. Even when you choose to ignore me.

I am very thankful that 7 years ago I listened to you. You said to me one Saturday, "Hey mom, it's Saturday, shouldn't you be at work?" That was my aha moment, when I realized that I was losing you. You've always been a daddy's girl, but I've worked really hard to show you that you could trust me too.

The past couple of years have been hard on you, but I know you are a good person, and will grow up to be a wonderful caring woman.

Love you Missy!

Chicago!

Had a great time in Chicago! It was short, but sweet. See the post on OT for more pics, but I am posting some here.
















This is actually a reflection of DD, Lasann and me (among others) in this big lima bean crome thingy. It was neat to walk around it and under it and look for yourself.

Lasann is in the foreground holding up a camera. She is wearing a light blue top and whiteish skirt. Marisa is in pink in the middle, also taking a picture, and I am in the back with a green top and black shorts.













This is a reflection of Marisa I took unexpectedly to her. I think she was looking how her new sunglasses looked on her. LOL













After dinner we went to watch the fireworks at Navy Pier. While waiting, I snapped this shot of the Ferris Wheel.













I love fireworks! I still haven't figured out how to take good pictures of them though. I thought this one was kinda cool though.













Bonus shot: Devon right before his State Championship Meet. He rarely lets me take his picture, so this is a keeper.













There were a few hot air balloons that came floating by earlier this summer. I took this shot right from my back deck.

Post Olympic let down

There is nothing to watch on TV. I have gotten so used to watching non stop Olympics. Now I actually have to talk to my family! Sheesh.

Looking forward to meeting the peeps in Chicago this weekend, and Max back here on Monday.

Dutch treat!

The real thing this time! My best friend is coming from The Netherlands for a visit. I am so excited to be seeing her and meeting her partner! She asked if there were any treats I wanted, so I sent a modest list of some yummy treats along with some salve that I love and that heals most wounds, but is not approved in the US.

Today I got the package! I actually came home early from work, not feeling well, and had a note to go to the Post Office to pick up a package! I knew it was on the way from Debby, as she emailed me to let her know when I got it. Oh, Happy Happy Joy Joy!!! Inside were 2 tubes of the salve I mentioned, along with a HUGE box of Stroopwafels. These are a Dutch treat basically syrupy goo surrounded by 2 thin soft waffle like cookies. Poor Don. He loves these, but they have wheat in them. Sucks to be him.

Also in the box were 4, yes 4 big bags of drop, Dutch licorce. I love drop. It is pronouces drup. Love Love Love. Tastes nothing like American Black licorce. I don't know many Americans who like it. Devon does though, and he was eyeing up some of the bags. I better hide them.

The best part? A big box of Chocoladevlokken and another of Hagelslag. You eat these on toast, or bread or something like that. The first is chocolate flakes. Oh, they are so good. I already had a slice of toast with them on it. The second are little fruit flavored jimmies, but they are harder than normal jimmies.


I am in heaven. Now I have to figure a way to stop my own personal Michael Phelps from eating all of these. Maybe he doesn't eat quite 12,000 calories a day, but it sure seems like he is working his way up to that.

A lovely surprise

WOW, 2 posts in 1 day!

I needed a timeout earlier tonight from Marisa. She is in the major attitude stage, and I want to smack her multiple times a day. So I decided to walk down the driveway to get the mail. We have a 300 foot driveway, so this serves as a good time out.

I open up the mailbox and see on top of the mail a little package! Ooo, it is addressed to me! And it is marked "small packet/petit paquet"! I look at the return address, and it is a name I am familiar with. I am wondering what he is sending to me, and that he took the time to send this to me even though he is busy moving! Of course I could not wait until I got back up the driveway to open the petit paquet, so I tucked the rest of the mail under my arm and proceeded to rip open said paquet. Inside I find a card and a box of Altoids. What an odd gift, since I have never once mentioned whether or not I like Altoids. But hey, it's ok. I open the box, and inside is wrapped very carefully this lovely pin!

I did finally get around to opening the card, wherein I found a wonderful little note about how he thinks of me each Saturday as he buys his bakery from a Farmers Market, and that the bakery is next to the stand of the woman who made this pin! I'd wonder if he has a crush on me or something, but alas, I know that is not the case, as he is already wormsupyourass to Bravie.

Thank you very much History Detective! You made my day!

I must update

Bravie told me to, so here I am. (Ok, I actually have some time tonight, before SYTYCD comes on anyway)

So last weekend was completely exhausting! Devon had his state championship meet (13 yr & over) from Thursday through Sunday. While the pool is indoors, it is very hot, due to no circulation. So we spent as much time as we could outside. We had brought our screen tent, as did another family from our team, so we set up a Team Area. It was a great place for parents and kids to hang out all weekend. It was really hot outside as well, but there was at least some breeze throughout the weekend.

Devon started off the meet swimming 800m Freestyle, followed by the 4x200m Freestyle relay. He got 8th place in his individual event, which earned him a medal (1st-8th get medals, 9-16th get ribbons)!!! He was so excited! Then his relay team came in 2nd! Whoooo Hoooo! What a way to start the meet.

Friday he swam the 200m Free, and was supposed to swim 3 relays, two in his age group (13-14) and 1 with the Seniors! After a bunch of rearranging, he swam 1 with his age group, then 2 with the seniors, and they we had to come back for finals for him to swim the other with his age group. Crazy! He didn't place in his individual, but did get a couple of ribbons in the relays (1-3rd get medals, 4-16th get ribbons), and ended in 20th place in the individual event.

Saturday found him swimming the 400m Free, which is his favorite race. He did well, no ribbon, but a good 20th place again. Then after a 6 hour break where we went home, came back and swam in the 4x100 medley relay. He swam the breaststroke leg. Funny, cause he has never before swam a 100m breastroke. The big difference between meters and yards is the pool is 50m vs 25 yards, so there is less turning. He was worried about the race, but swam it very respectfully, and helped to earn his team a 7th place ribbon!

Sunday was our last day, and we got to sleep in! Devon's individual event was later in the morning, or rather early in the afternoon. 1500m Freestyle, affectionately called "The Mile"! Yes, 19 minutes of non stop swimming! For Devon, 19:03.76 to be exact! He dropped 45 seconds from the last time he swam this, which was 1 month earlier! His race earned him his 3rd medal, also for 8th place!

He exceeded his own expectations and goals for every swim, and the meet in general. I am so very proud of him! Now he gets 3 weeks off, and we start all over on Aug 25, culminating in the short course (25 yard) State Meet the first week in March.

My dad was visiting us for 15 days, which was long enough to see both kids' state meets, and he now has a really good understanding of what it is like to be a swim parent. LOL, of course he got the best of the season, not the drudgery of day in and day out schlepping to practice, but I'm glad he enjoyed it.

On the other important family note, Don is doing really well with his recovery. He is following a good personal program, and seems to be making some changes for the better. His traffic issue is still outstanding, next court date mid Sept. He was granted a leave of absence from work (read suspended) for the month of July, which hurt us financially, but we'll recover. He is back to work this week. He is going to look for another job anyway, as we both feel the situation needs to change.

Ok, enough updating, I need to get back to reading HD's book.

YES!

I don't have a lot of time, but I have to totally brag!

Marisa got her first and only state qualifying time as a 10 year old this past weekend!

She swam the 50 yard backstroke in a timed trial at the end of a grueling 3 day meet, and took 3 seconds off her time to beat the state cut by nearly 1 whole second! To give you an idea, she swam the 50 yards (25 there and back) in 38.22 seconds!!

I will update with more details later.

Songs I am loving right now.

Some new songs and old favorites

Leona Lewis-Bleeding Love

Chris Brown-Forever

Howard Jones - No one is to blame

George Michael - Kissing a Fool

George Michael - One More Try

No list is complete without Queen

Queen - Somebody to Love

and my most favorite song of all time

Queen - Love of my Life

3rd time is the charm?

After a particularly hellish 5 days, Don is now officially in detox for at least the next 2-3 days. Hopefully he will remain in the facility in a different "unit" for sometime after that.

He got into an accident on Friday, and 2 tickets. One for Driving under the Influence, he was below the legal limit. The other for Failure to Control Vehicle. Combined 10 points and over $1000 in fines. Fun. Thankfully no one else was involved. The embankment he hit won though, as there is some damage to his beautiful car. Monday after I got his car out of the towing company, I snuck out in the evening and hid it at a friend's house, so that he couldn't drive.

I drove him to work on Monday, and then got a call that his boss was granting him a Leave of Absence to get some help. (read indefinite suspension). I think without pay, which sucks. No clarification on that point just yet.

But he is in detox for now, and I guess that is the first step.

----------------------------------------------------------
UPDATE:
Updating this on Thurs July 10.

He bitched and moaned about the 'jail' he was in all dang weekend long. His psychiatrist, whom I liked the minuted I talked to him was very forthright and in his face. Long and short of it, if his body was ready, Dr. would release him on Sunday, otherwise Monday. Or Don could leave, AMA. Turns out his levels were fine and he was released on Sunday. Yes, just 4 days after going in. Actually less than 4 days, cause he checked in at 3:30 on Wed, and checked out at 12 on Sunday. No day program, no long term care, not even 1/2 day program. Really frustrates me. Sunday (my birthday) sucked. Nuff said about that.

He is going to AA meetings, reconnected with his sponsor, and saw a therapist on Tuesday. Also met with a lawyer on Wed about the OUI (operating under the influence which is below the legal limit) ticket. Retained said lawyer and he will go to the court date on July 30 to try to get out of it or get it reduced. If not, Don will lose his license for 6 months. Now I don't condone driving under the influence, but did you know that a person who is stopped for OWI (operating while intoxicated) which is over the legal limit would lose his license for 9 months and the fine is only $15 more? That is kind of stupid, if you ask me. Why bother having a "legal limit" then. In fact, I would be all in favor of getting rid of that legal limit, or pullling it way way down. Like if you had more than 1 drink, you would be over. Ok, off the soapbox.

Anyway, we have had a mostly quiet week (evenings) so far. Don is worried what he will do next week when the kids are both back at camp. I've given him my suggestions, but he won't go explore any day programs, so he is on his own. His big thing is he doesn't want to be home alone. Sad, that he isn't even comfortable in his own skin.

Shoes!

So it was a particularly bad night last night. I have been really crabby all day, the result of being tired, probably pmsing and pissed at Don. Feeling a little sorry for myself too.

So what did I do for lunch? Went shoe shopping! They had a sale going on, and BOGO on top of it, so I ended up buying 4 pair!



First a boring little penny loafer. It is very comfortable though








Then I found this cute slide. Also very comfortable, with a kitten heel.






A really comfortable low heeled slide. My flip flops broke last night, so I needed something quick and comfy.





My favorite pair! Fun kitten heel strappy sandal! I think I will find an outfit to wear with these tomorrrow!

Good, Bad and whatever

I am so sick of blogging about Don and his alcoholism, but I feel I owe it to you to keep you updated once in a while, since you are such a support to me.

So the latest? I gave him the ultimatum to do something about his addiction by last Friday (2 days ago), or there would be consequences, up to possibly him moving out. So he called our Dr. and got a prescription for the meds that help get through withdrawl. Started taking them 2 days after my ultimatum. That was Thursday, 10 days ago. He made it through the weekend. 4 days.

We dropped off both kids on Sunday for their respective camps (more on that later). I had plans to go out for dinner on Monday & Wednesday, with some friends and swim moms. Came home on Monday, and he was out of sorts. I didn't think he was drunk, just out of sorts. I thought maybe he was mad that I went out. Then I was asked at the last minute to go out to dinner with a close friend on Tuesday. Came home and Don was hammered. Same on Wed. So I let him have it on Thursday. I hate doing it over the phone, but he gives me no choice. That is the only time I can talk to him and know he is sober. He asked me to join him at an "Open speaker" meeting on Thursday. How could I say no? If I didn't go, I wouldn't be supporting him. Plus the previous weekend we had planned to go out to dinner on Thursday to celebrate our 20th anniversary earlier this month. So we went to dinner and the meeting, and all was fine. But back to drunk on Friday and last night. So I followed through with my ultimatum, and told him he had to sleep downstairs in our spare room. When he is drunk, he is very restless, and all over me, so I don't sleep. He agreed.

So after a long day of drinking, passing out, getting up, drinking, etc. he was making the bed downstairs. I brought his alarm clock down, and he was sitting there feeling sorry for himself. That is the whatever part. I don't care. He made his bed, now he has to sleep in it, literally.

The good? My kids, once again. Marisa came through and sent 3 letters over the week from her camp. She went to a Christian camp, where this week's theme was horsemanship. She went with her best friend, and they had a blast. They had gone to a different camp last summer for a week, so I knew she would be fine. We picked them up Saturday morning, and they were both going on and on about it, and that next year we had to make time for this camp again!

Devon was gone Sunday-Friday at Confirmation camp. This was his 2nd and final year of going there, and he too had a great time. But I think he was happy to be home, as he had worried about me during the week. I hate that he has to do that! But it shows that I am having at least some success in raising a caring boy.

So from tomorrow until late July it is all about swimming. I am adjusting my work schedule so I can get out 1/2 hour early, as the kids have practice about 20 min north of our house. So I'll be leaving work, zooming to the YMCA where they are going to daycamp, and then zoom up to practice. I hope I don't get any speeding tickets or in any accidents with the increased driving time! I'll have to be extra careful. I'm afraid to set up carpools, as I think we will be 5-10 min late each day, and I don't want to make someone else late too!

Ok, off to bed in a comfortable, quiet bed! Have a great week everyone, and thanks for reading all the way to the end!

quick update

Ok, so I need to do a quick update. After rereading, maybe not so quick...

Life is crazy right now. I'm really working hard at work to make myself a place. I feel the new president-to-be doesn't connect with me. But after doing some soul searching, I've decided to stick with it and work my butt off to prove myself to him. So very little play time during the day.

Nights have been busy with the kids and swim. But Devon got his first 2 state qualifying times as a 13 year old this weekend! And he got them during 1 swim! He swam the mile (1650 yards) and qualified in both the 1000 yards and 1650! Yahoo! Marisa is still trying to get a state time as a 10 year old. She turns 11 in Sept, so she will go back to the bottom of the pile. She is really working hard, so I hope she gets rewarded. So far she has made it onto both relays, but just barely, so she needs to keep improving over the next 6 weeks.

I gave Don an ultimatum earlier this week. He has to get his act together (read: quit drinking) or get out. D-day is next week Friday June 20. The kids will both be gone at different camps next week from Sunday-Friday, so this is his chance. Of course I thought he would go to detox and some rehab, but he isn't. Supposedly tomorrow he is starting on the drugs that help him get through detox on his own. He is a lot of talk, but not much action. Typical addict. Frankly I don't believe he will succeed, and I am having a hard time supporting him. But I will do my best to do so anyway. It is really hard. I have drifted very far away, I feel like our marriage is going down the drain, and I am moving on, but he isn't. I don't know if I will be able to regain what I once felt or if I even want to. Sadly, I think Don really has no idea how far I've gone. We did agree that we will need some family and couple counseling if (although I said when) he gets sober. Now I know why some people stay with their spouses until the kids grow up. I feel that may happen for me too. If we were divorced, and he wasn't sober, it would make me crazy to give him visitation with them, not knowing if he was drunk. My biggest fear is that he hurts them. Then 2nd that he hurts himself or someone else.

One thing I have found out going through this whole experience. I am a lot more independent of a person than I thought I was. I don't want to, but if I have to, I can do this without him. And I will. For me and for my kids, who are the most important people in this world to me.

Ok, not to end on a downer. I am very happy The Mole is back! Got both kids totally sucked into it! And SYTYCD was great tonight too! And personally, I am exercising more, trying to eat better, although candy is still my downfall. I believe I am getting into better shape, which is great!

Thanks for reading! You are my friends. You know more than my IRL friends do, and I appreciate all your support! *smooshes*