I am so sick of blogging about Don and his alcoholism, but I feel I owe it to you to keep you updated once in a while, since you are such a support to me.
So the latest? I gave him the ultimatum to do something about his addiction by last Friday (2 days ago), or there would be consequences, up to possibly him moving out. So he called our Dr. and got a prescription for the meds that help get through withdrawl. Started taking them 2 days after my ultimatum. That was Thursday, 10 days ago. He made it through the weekend. 4 days.
We dropped off both kids on Sunday for their respective camps (more on that later). I had plans to go out for dinner on Monday & Wednesday, with some friends and swim moms. Came home on Monday, and he was out of sorts. I didn't think he was drunk, just out of sorts. I thought maybe he was mad that I went out. Then I was asked at the last minute to go out to dinner with a close friend on Tuesday. Came home and Don was hammered. Same on Wed. So I let him have it on Thursday. I hate doing it over the phone, but he gives me no choice. That is the only time I can talk to him and know he is sober. He asked me to join him at an "Open speaker" meeting on Thursday. How could I say no? If I didn't go, I wouldn't be supporting him. Plus the previous weekend we had planned to go out to dinner on Thursday to celebrate our 20th anniversary earlier this month. So we went to dinner and the meeting, and all was fine. But back to drunk on Friday and last night. So I followed through with my ultimatum, and told him he had to sleep downstairs in our spare room. When he is drunk, he is very restless, and all over me, so I don't sleep. He agreed.
So after a long day of drinking, passing out, getting up, drinking, etc. he was making the bed downstairs. I brought his alarm clock down, and he was sitting there feeling sorry for himself. That is the whatever part. I don't care. He made his bed, now he has to sleep in it, literally.
The good? My kids, once again. Marisa came through and sent 3 letters over the week from her camp. She went to a Christian camp, where this week's theme was horsemanship. She went with her best friend, and they had a blast. They had gone to a different camp last summer for a week, so I knew she would be fine. We picked them up Saturday morning, and they were both going on and on about it, and that next year we had to make time for this camp again!
Devon was gone Sunday-Friday at Confirmation camp. This was his 2nd and final year of going there, and he too had a great time. But I think he was happy to be home, as he had worried about me during the week. I hate that he has to do that! But it shows that I am having at least some success in raising a caring boy.
So from tomorrow until late July it is all about swimming. I am adjusting my work schedule so I can get out 1/2 hour early, as the kids have practice about 20 min north of our house. So I'll be leaving work, zooming to the YMCA where they are going to daycamp, and then zoom up to practice. I hope I don't get any speeding tickets or in any accidents with the increased driving time! I'll have to be extra careful. I'm afraid to set up carpools, as I think we will be 5-10 min late each day, and I don't want to make someone else late too!
Ok, off to bed in a comfortable, quiet bed! Have a great week everyone, and thanks for reading all the way to the end!
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10 comments:
*sigh*
{{hugs}}
Keep doing what you have to, for yourself at this point. Only Don can help Don.
You have awesome kids.
*hugs* I think this was a good intermediate step that gives both of you time to decide what to do next. It doesn't sound like this scared him straight, unfortunately. You'll get stronger and stronger each day, while he's, as you said, just going to have to lie in his bed.
Thank goodness for your kids, and them being mature and caring.
I don't have any good advice to give so just **hugs** to you DF. I agree with MM that Don is the only one that can help Don. I know that your focus has to be on the kids (and you!) right now- you are a great mom and I'm going to pray that you have peace in the decisions you have to make.
{{hugs}}
Oh goodness, DF, I just don't know what to say except to just continue giving you as much support as possible. *big hugs*
Thanks! You guys all rock. I am good. I've slept very good the past 2 nights. Last night Don asked me if he still had to sleep in the basement. Uh, well, you are still drinking, so nothing has changed. So yes. I think he thinks I was just punishing him. Oh well.
Day 2 of driving all around the county went well. Only 19 minutes later than I had planned. Dang train anyway. :)
Hey, did you see my new siggie? The one with the daffodils? Syren made it for me as a special gift. I love all of my siggies, but I think that one may hold a special place.
OMG-Don obviously doesn't get it. I hope you explained to him in 1st grade terms why he's sleeping down there. The alcohol is really killing brain cells, isn't it.
This is all so sucky because I think Don is a good guy. You obviously married him for a good reason, and from when I've met him, he's kind and fun. Addiction absolutely sucks.
You are right Kim. He is a good guy, but not right now. We got into it last night. I don't know why I bang my head against that wall. When he is drinking heavily, he doesn't remember anyway.
I'm late to reading this but I still offer you my hugs and virtual support.
(((DF)))
Be strong, hon. You have to do what's best for you and the kids first. You can't make him want to change and you can't let his addiction rule your life.
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