Yup, here we go again. I want to *sigh*, but right now I'm just pissed.
Well, I'm seeing a pattern here. Whenever I do something that shows hope for possible long term sobriety, he f***s it up.
Yes, I said the f word. Well, sort of.
The latest? I just signed up to be a chaperone on a swim meet trip to Indy for Devon. Of course that would mean leaving Marisa behind. She does have a meet as well that weekend. I talked with Don and expressed my concerns, and he kinda blew me off, saying something to the effect of "We'll have to deal with this concern for the rest of my life." I should have followed my gut and not signed up. My friend who I've confided in, who is married to a recovering alcoholic said that to me too. But my typically optimistic self ignored my possible concerns, and proceeded anyway. Now I'm in a pickle. He relapsed this past weekend, and lied about it when all 3 of us could clearly see.
Oh, and last night I told him to get this fixed or get out. Today I will tell him again, in more specific terms. I just have to figure out what those specific terms are. Cause I can't back down.
I plan on being poor rather soon, as he will lose his job, since he signed an agreement to stay sober. Unless he can somehow overcome this lapse without his boss finding out. Yeah. Sure.
Damn, I hate it when I become cynical. It really pisses me off.
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18 comments:
This sucks really bad.
Time to set deadlines and stick to them.
Obviously the bottom that he has to hit is somewhat deeper than originally thought. You'll have to make him find it.
{{{hug}}}
I don't honestly know that I care anymore.
Sorry DF, it's time to put yourself and the kids first. You already gave him altimatums, they didn't work. Time to follow through and let him hit bottom as MC said.
Yes, breezy. And up until now he has actually met the ultimatums. But now I need to figure out specifics.
Guess the DUI (under influence, not intoxicated) wasn't bottom enough.
I want to shake that man.
I'm sorry DF. I think you know it's you that you need to set specifics for. Only you can know how much more you're willing to take.
Please take care of yourself.
*supportive hugs*
I'm hoping that I scared the booze out of him. He seems to have been sober at least last night. Of course he doesn't bring up a discussion, so I did. I told him I meant what I said, that he fix this or get out. He said he understood. I also told him I needed him sober on Saturday. It is Marisa's birthday party, and we need 2 cars. He agreed. I reminded him in no uncertain terms that this is his daughters party we are talking about, and the lives of other children, and that he better not screw it up, or risk losing his family. I wasn't threatening, just stating facts. He actually agreed. I told him I have zero trust right now, so I will be watching like a hawk. We are really busy on Saturday, with very little down time, so that is in my advantage. I plan to stick to his side like glue.
I can always cancel the trip to the pumpkin farm, since none of the girls except Marisa knows about that anyway.
And thanks for your continued support.
{{hugs}}
DF,
There's no way you can "scare the booze out of him." If you and the kids were enough of a reason for him to stop drinking, he would have done so long ago.
He'll only stop when he sees HE needs to do so. For the sake of you and the kids, I hope that day comes sooner rather than later.
Don't enable him to not deal with this.
#hug#
Oh Honey!
BIG HUGS
I so understand, wish I had some advice, but you know I'm in the same place.
Thinking of you and the kids
DF,
I'm sorry for what I am about to say. But with me comes brutal honesty.
At this point? Anything bad that happens to you, the kids, or your kid's friends? You are equally responsible for because you too are putting everybody in danger by allowing him to remain there. As the sober and coherent one, it is up to YOU to now put your children first. Obviously he isn't going to so it is up to you to be the good parent. You have continued to be the enabler. I understand giving him chances. I think it is noble. But after so many chances, it becomes enabling, not noble.
Just go back and look at how many entries you have had about him and his drinking. And I am sure that you probably aren't blogging about every incident either.
Please DF, please, I beg of you to be the one to put your children first and send him packing. You are talking about your children's safety. *sigh*
I worry about you and I worry so much about your children.
Don't apologize Carey! I know you are right. In fact, I have been talking about that same thing with the IRL people I can trust.
My kids are gonna be screwed up either way. At least without him around, we can have some semblance of normalcy.
I was just talking about enabling with another friend as well. It is a fine line.
Ummm I take offense. My DD is not screwed up just because her parent's divorced.
I meant by having an alcoholic father, not by having divorced parents.
I'd like to add to bravie's post. She put it way better than I did.
From my initial post ^up there^ when I said "You'll have to make him find" the bottom, I didn't mean that you need to stay and help him find the bottom, I meant you need to get out with the kids, so he knows he's lost everything, absolutely everything. And there's a very good chance that he will never get any of it back.
Thanks for putting into words what I was trying to say, bravie.
I agree with Bravie as well.
*big hugs*
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