Good, Bad and whatever

I am so sick of blogging about Don and his alcoholism, but I feel I owe it to you to keep you updated once in a while, since you are such a support to me.

So the latest? I gave him the ultimatum to do something about his addiction by last Friday (2 days ago), or there would be consequences, up to possibly him moving out. So he called our Dr. and got a prescription for the meds that help get through withdrawl. Started taking them 2 days after my ultimatum. That was Thursday, 10 days ago. He made it through the weekend. 4 days.

We dropped off both kids on Sunday for their respective camps (more on that later). I had plans to go out for dinner on Monday & Wednesday, with some friends and swim moms. Came home on Monday, and he was out of sorts. I didn't think he was drunk, just out of sorts. I thought maybe he was mad that I went out. Then I was asked at the last minute to go out to dinner with a close friend on Tuesday. Came home and Don was hammered. Same on Wed. So I let him have it on Thursday. I hate doing it over the phone, but he gives me no choice. That is the only time I can talk to him and know he is sober. He asked me to join him at an "Open speaker" meeting on Thursday. How could I say no? If I didn't go, I wouldn't be supporting him. Plus the previous weekend we had planned to go out to dinner on Thursday to celebrate our 20th anniversary earlier this month. So we went to dinner and the meeting, and all was fine. But back to drunk on Friday and last night. So I followed through with my ultimatum, and told him he had to sleep downstairs in our spare room. When he is drunk, he is very restless, and all over me, so I don't sleep. He agreed.

So after a long day of drinking, passing out, getting up, drinking, etc. he was making the bed downstairs. I brought his alarm clock down, and he was sitting there feeling sorry for himself. That is the whatever part. I don't care. He made his bed, now he has to sleep in it, literally.

The good? My kids, once again. Marisa came through and sent 3 letters over the week from her camp. She went to a Christian camp, where this week's theme was horsemanship. She went with her best friend, and they had a blast. They had gone to a different camp last summer for a week, so I knew she would be fine. We picked them up Saturday morning, and they were both going on and on about it, and that next year we had to make time for this camp again!

Devon was gone Sunday-Friday at Confirmation camp. This was his 2nd and final year of going there, and he too had a great time. But I think he was happy to be home, as he had worried about me during the week. I hate that he has to do that! But it shows that I am having at least some success in raising a caring boy.

So from tomorrow until late July it is all about swimming. I am adjusting my work schedule so I can get out 1/2 hour early, as the kids have practice about 20 min north of our house. So I'll be leaving work, zooming to the YMCA where they are going to daycamp, and then zoom up to practice. I hope I don't get any speeding tickets or in any accidents with the increased driving time! I'll have to be extra careful. I'm afraid to set up carpools, as I think we will be 5-10 min late each day, and I don't want to make someone else late too!

Ok, off to bed in a comfortable, quiet bed! Have a great week everyone, and thanks for reading all the way to the end!

quick update

Ok, so I need to do a quick update. After rereading, maybe not so quick...

Life is crazy right now. I'm really working hard at work to make myself a place. I feel the new president-to-be doesn't connect with me. But after doing some soul searching, I've decided to stick with it and work my butt off to prove myself to him. So very little play time during the day.

Nights have been busy with the kids and swim. But Devon got his first 2 state qualifying times as a 13 year old this weekend! And he got them during 1 swim! He swam the mile (1650 yards) and qualified in both the 1000 yards and 1650! Yahoo! Marisa is still trying to get a state time as a 10 year old. She turns 11 in Sept, so she will go back to the bottom of the pile. She is really working hard, so I hope she gets rewarded. So far she has made it onto both relays, but just barely, so she needs to keep improving over the next 6 weeks.

I gave Don an ultimatum earlier this week. He has to get his act together (read: quit drinking) or get out. D-day is next week Friday June 20. The kids will both be gone at different camps next week from Sunday-Friday, so this is his chance. Of course I thought he would go to detox and some rehab, but he isn't. Supposedly tomorrow he is starting on the drugs that help him get through detox on his own. He is a lot of talk, but not much action. Typical addict. Frankly I don't believe he will succeed, and I am having a hard time supporting him. But I will do my best to do so anyway. It is really hard. I have drifted very far away, I feel like our marriage is going down the drain, and I am moving on, but he isn't. I don't know if I will be able to regain what I once felt or if I even want to. Sadly, I think Don really has no idea how far I've gone. We did agree that we will need some family and couple counseling if (although I said when) he gets sober. Now I know why some people stay with their spouses until the kids grow up. I feel that may happen for me too. If we were divorced, and he wasn't sober, it would make me crazy to give him visitation with them, not knowing if he was drunk. My biggest fear is that he hurts them. Then 2nd that he hurts himself or someone else.

One thing I have found out going through this whole experience. I am a lot more independent of a person than I thought I was. I don't want to, but if I have to, I can do this without him. And I will. For me and for my kids, who are the most important people in this world to me.

Ok, not to end on a downer. I am very happy The Mole is back! Got both kids totally sucked into it! And SYTYCD was great tonight too! And personally, I am exercising more, trying to eat better, although candy is still my downfall. I believe I am getting into better shape, which is great!

Thanks for reading! You are my friends. You know more than my IRL friends do, and I appreciate all your support! *smooshes*

my flowers

So I got a really great camera for Christmas. A digital Rebel XTI. So I decided that I would take pictures of all the flowers that bloom in my yard/garden. I'm not finished yet, but here are some of them.

I have some beautiful Irises. Only 1 is dual colored. I didn't know they came that way.






My Daffodils are my favorites. They are so sunny and happy
.

Of course, I have to have some tulips too.


I have more, but that is enough for now.

Hot Hot Hot

We had a 2 day swim meet this weekend. Devon in the mornings, Marisa in the afternoons. Made for 2 really long days. The pool was really hot. Well, not the pool water, as the kids said it was actually very cool. But the building was really hot and humid. We brought a screen tent and air mattress, and quite a few our the kids and parents hung out there when we could.

It was a very successful meet for both kids though! They each got a Gold and Bronze medal, and Marisa got a ribbon for 4th place! This meet they ranked the kids by their seed times, into 4 different classes, and they gave out medals for 1st, 2nd, 3rd in each class! That is how my kids got their medals, but they don't care! Bling is Bling!

We have another set of meets this next weekend, but only 1 session per day, so it will seem a piece of cake!

Hope you have a great week!

Swim pics!

Whoooo Hoooo! Got the pics from the swim team picture day! My, they have grown...

Marisa has a goofy smile on. She doesn't like her teeth to show. Go figure.

Relief

I've been really struggling with a major dilemma lately. My dad scheduled knee replacement surgery for May 22. I offered to go down and help him and relieve my sister for a few days, and bought my ticket to go down May 29-June 2. Of course, I bought this ticket the day that Don fell off the wagon. Figures. Ever since I have been debating about going or not. Do I go, and rearrange the schedules to make sure the kids get picked up/dropped off for swim practice, don't sign up for a big meet that is that weekend, and hope the Don holds it together enough over the weekend? Or do I not go, thereby not helping my dad/sister, and feeling guilty about it? Don & the kids wanted me to go, saying they would handle it as long as they (kids) could call me to talk anytime. (what sweeties, duh). Don wanted me to go to prove that he could still be a reasonably good dad and that he isn't a complete loser. What to do. I've been praying about it, thinking about, getting crabby about it.

Yesterday my dad called. Turns out the surgeon doesn't recommend the surgery right now, due to his health. He is overweight (a lot) and diabetic. Surgeon is concerned about complications and my dad ending up in a wheelchair. Well, this is the first I heard about the diabetes. Turns out he has been taking meds for over a year, and failed to tell both my sister (who he sees every Sunday) or me! He is going to see a nutritionist and get back into physical therapy in hopes of having the surgery some time in the future.

So even though it is bad for my dad, I can't help but do a happy dance! It has been such a burden on me the past 2 weeks, you would not believe how glad I was to hear that. Bad daughter, huh? Nope, I don't think so.

We decided to sign up for the meet too, so the kids are happy as well.

Tagged

Oooo! I'm so excited that I've been tagged by Amy!

The rules:
a. Link to the person who tagged you.
b. Post the rules on your blog.
c. Write six random things about yourself.
d. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
e. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.
f. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Now I have to come up with 6 random things about me.

1. I like jewelry. Especially necklaces and bracelets, and matching sets. I really like matching sets. It doesn't matter if the jewelry is gold toned or silver toned. While I do like "fancy" jewelry, I like costume jewelry just as much. I like a lot of Lia Sophia. I am sad that one of my bracelets by them had a couple of the stones fall out. Now I don't have a matching set anymore.

2. I have a crush on someone.

3. I am listening to David Cook right now. I actually downloaded "Always be my baby". I think I posted that on OT somewhere, but I don't remember. No, David is not my crush.

4. I need to buy more Spanx socks. I have 3 pairs, and that is just not enough. I have 1 black pair, 1 brown pair and 1 cream pair. I need more.

5. I speed when I drive. I think it is because I am in a hurry most of the time. I don't speed too excessively, maybe between 7-9 miles over the limit, but sometimes more, especially on the freeway.

6. I have a big 3 wick candle lit right now, in my office at work. It smells good, although I can't remember the name of the scent right now.


Now, who to tag?

1. Frodis
2. MM
3. Buggy
4. Breezy
5. thndrkttn

Happy Birthday Debby

Debby is my lifetime best friend. We were born just 2 months apart. Our moms were best friends, and so were we, growing up. We are polar opposite personalities, Debby was the wild child tom boy, I the princess, but we always had each other's backs. She moved to Holland and gave up her US citizenship when we were 18. We still kept in touch. She got married the week before I did, and honeymooned here in the States, while we honeymooned in Holland. She later got divorced, and fell in love with a very nice woman. We have touched base a few times over the years, but since my last visit to Holland in 2000, have lost touch. Or rather, I lost her address & her phone number has changed. The last Christmas card I got from her had no return address.

So right now this is the only way I can say Happy Birthday to my lifetime best friend. The one person I have found that no matter how much time has elapsed since we last spoke, we can pick it right back up again where we left off, as if we had just had lunch yesterday.

Happy Birthday Debby!

Meet anyone?

NO, not that kind, sadly.

Devon was at the first meet of the season on Saturday. He did well. 2 personal best times, and 1 more within 98% of his best time. The coaches challenged them to get both of those, and they would get points. If they achieved a certain level of combined points, they would get to play water polo instead of practice. The kids rose to the challenge, accumulating enough points to earn them 1 1/2 hours of water polo! LOL, what they don't realize is that playing waterpolo is great exercise as well, strengthening your core muscles.

The swim clinic was fantastic. Jenny Thompson is a genuinely nice person. I had the opportunity to chat with her for just a couple of minutes. Plus watching her interact with the kids was great, especially for the girls. What a super couple of role models we had at the pool this weekend!

I already posted an update about Don is the prior post comments, so I'm not going to rehash THAT again.

How was your weekend?

Do I hear an echo?

Bang head, step back, repeat. Yes, here we go again.

Don made it 100 days. *sigh* He said they were completely miserable 100 days. Gee, guess playing games with your kids, remembering what happens on the TV shows you watch, and getting sumpin sumpin from me makes you miserable? And drinking doesn't? Nope, only being sober does.

Oh, and he is amazed that I put up with it. I'm starting to wonder about that myself.

We have a super big weekend planned. 1st swim meet of the season for Devon, followed by a tailgate and Brewer game with 130 of our closest swim team friends, and about 30 from another team from Eau Claire. Oh, and we are hosting a mom/daughter, caused I signed up to be a host family when he was still busy being miserable. That should be interesting. The only good thing is that he won't have a lot of time to drink since we won't be home until maybe 9 or10 pm after the game.

Then Sunday a swim clinic with JENNY THOMPSON. Only the most decorated woman Olympic athlete in the US (or maybe world) history. And she is a medical doctor to boot. What a great role model! Oh, and then follow that with our annual swim banquet, where the kids get recognized for their accomplishments (as do the parents for their volunteering. So now instead of having a partner who can share all the running around, I have to do it all again?

Damn, this sucks.

Refining Silver

I got this in an email from a good friend. I really liked it, so I wanted to share it.


Malachi 3:3 says: 'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you. Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them. And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.

Peep Meet fun!

Kim & I had a great time meeting at the mall on Saturday! Well, I did! Not sure how she feels after being subjected to 5 kids and 1 husband...

Here is proof that we did have fun. At least we didn't spend $15 on the pics!

Office Biggest Loser

Ok, so the Bloggest Loser hasn't really stuck with me. Sorry Boo. Neither has the OT Loser thing. So yesterday one of our office peeps asks me if I want to join the 15 other people in the office doing a Office Biggest Loser contest. 9 weeks. She said we would be having fun challenges and prizes.

I'm all about the prizes, and if that can get me to drop some weight, I figured why not!?!

I'll fill in more details as I find out. She is pitching it to our Exec VP tomorrow.

In the meantime, I had chips and guacamole for lunch, along with tacos from Chipolte. Mmmmm.

Why am I so obsessed with weather?

I think I have always been, but it has really become an issue this winter. We are 8 inches away from snowfall record winter.

Today it is foggy, cold, rainy. Ick. But it beats the dang snow, right?

I blame Weatherman Don, my DH. How can I not be obsessed with weather, when we have a dang WEATHER STATION in our house? Yup, it is hooked up to Devon's computer, so we can know what the weather is doing outside by looking at it. Wouldn't it just be easier to look out the window?

So other new news. I got a Blackberry Pearl from work. Nice, cause it is a cool toy, and they would call me if needed anyway, so why not. Yesterday my IT guy downloaded a couple of fun ringtones for me. "Borderline" by Madonna, and to embarrass my kids "Low" by Flo Rida. *grin*

I like lambs

Well, I guess I mean I like months that go out like a lamb. Of course, winter in Wisconsin has been roaring like a lion since, oh, October? I dunno.

I was all excited when I thought of this post, seeing as how it is the last day of the month and we haven't had any snow for like, 4 days! Then I looked at a calendar and realized we have 1 more day. Then I looked at the weather forecast, and the whole lamb theory went out the window.

Well, at least it is thunderstorms and not thundersnow we are having tomorrow. I feel sorry for people who live in low lying areas, as there are all sorts of flood issues. We live on top of a hill, but we have our own little lake that shows up during times like these, near the bottom of the driveway.

Today is my last official day of freedom until August 3. Yup, swim break is over. Actually, today doesn't even count, because we volunteered at a Special Olympics meet. But I am not counting that as part of the swim season, cause it really wasn't. We had a great time. All 4 of us were in the awards area. I got to give ribbons to countless special needs swimmers, and I got lots of hugs in return. It is so wonderful to see those faces light up when I gave them a ribbon, whether it was 8th place or 1st place. Each swimmer got a ribbon, for the place they took in their heat.

So tomorrow we start back to swim. Devon is on schedule, he is not quitting! I am so thrilled by his decision. After he got sick before state, I was worried, but he told me not to worry about him missing state, that he still had 3 more to go before he aged up to the next level! Yay! He has some good goals for this season, and is excited to be getting back in the water. He did go to open swim last week, and is a bit worried about being out of shape, but he doesn't have a meet until April 26, plenty of time...

Marisa has her goals too. She wants to get 1 state cut, with a stretch goal of 7. She is quite a ways away, so has her work cut out for her, but I think the goal of at least 1 is very attainable.

I have mixed feelings about swim break being over. I love being at the pool and mingling with the other swim parents, and I feel like part of a big family, which is wonderful. But I have really enjoyed my evenings off this month. I found ebay as a seller, and have been having fun with that, but I will have to curtail that a bit, keeping it more reasonable.

Ok, off to make dinner. We're having spagetti, our favorite swim season food!

He is Risen

He is Risen indeed!

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish everyone in blogland a Happy Easter. Whether you are celebrating for the candy, or to celebrate our Risen Savior, I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

This is what it looked like here on Friday. I took this picture looking out my front door. We got about 15 inches of snow! That bumped this winter into the #2 spot for snowiest winters in Milwaukee. Happy Spring.

Update

Wow, it has been a few weeks since I updated. Sorry!

We officially ended our short course swim season on March 2, with the close of the 13 & over State Championships. Unfortunately, Devon didn't get to swim. He missed the last meet of the season because he was so sick, and as a result didn't have any qualifying times for state. It's all ok though. He is better now, and excited for the next season.

I find myself just as busy. I'm focusing on my job at work a lot lately. Not just getting my work done, but trying to do it better, and to do a better job at being the Controller. As a result, I'm not playing here or on OT much. But I still find a few minutes each day to either lurk or post a bit. I haven't forgotten about you either. Just reorganizing a bit.

I'm also enjoying being at home most evenings. I say most because I've had book clubs, swim board meetings, and Marisa's basketball games to go to yet. I find it amazing that I am able to get as much done as I do during the season, since I'm not getting much more done during the 2 weeks since the end of the season! I do find that with less to do in the evenings, I have become less efficient, and more lazy. Guess I can't win either way!

So now we have 2 full weeks left to relax, and nothing much to do! Yay! I can keep up with my TV watching, and hope to do some more reading. Of course I have to finish some tax returns too. I do the returns for my dad, sister and niece, along with ours.

Family life is going ok. Sometimes better than others. Don is not drinking, which is good. But he is often more testy, less patient, and more critical of the rest of us. It is trying at times, but I guess I'll take it over having an active alcoholic in the house. It can't always be perfect I guess. I do notice I have become a lot more independent as a person, and I wonder if that threatens him. Well, tough cookies.

One thing I am not doing is getting more sleep, and I need to really work on that. My goal is to get to sleep before 11pm every night that I have to get up at 5:30am the next morning, giving me 6.5 hours of sleep, which should be enough for me. And occasionally I'll hit the sack at *gasp* 10:30!

Ok darlings. Thanks for reading, and sticking by me. Thanks for the continued PMs, pings and emails. They mean so much to me, you will never really know.

*smooshes*

We're going to State!

We had a rough weekend last week. Marisa didn't make her state qualifying times, and was quite upset. Devon was sick all weekend, as a result he didn't swim so he didn't get any times either. But he wasn't as disappointed. He said that he still has 3 seasons to get a cut before he turns 15. LOL

So anyway, the week has been quiet, except for Devon being sick. He was scaring me. Not eating, stomach pains, lethargic, sleeping a lot, etc. I took him into the Dr on Tuesday and they tested him and found he doesn't have the flu, mono, high white cell count. His chest xray came back clear, so the dr (not my normal one) thought he might have a sinus infection, since he had some drainage and tenderness in his cheeks. So we started antibiotics. Finally last night he is starting to feel a little better, although he is staying home from school again today.

Anyway, Wed night we get a phone call from Marisa's swim coach. It turns out another girl who was a relay only swimmer for State hadn't shown up for any practices this week, so they bumped her and replaced her with Marisa! She is so excited! So she made it to the last practice last night, and was able to attend the pizza party they had after that. She got her State qualifiers tshirt, a fun painters cap her coach makes up, and a neat no-sew scarf one of the moms started making for last year's team.

So tomorrow and Sunday we will be getting up at 5am, driving 1 hour 20 min to Madison for her warm ups, waiting until 9am for her to swim, and then going back home. We debated staying in a hotel, but the rates are jacked up this weekend. Plus with Devon not feeling 100%, I want him to be comfortable. He may not even come along.

Go Marisa! Go Lake Country Swim Team!

UPDATE: We made it to Madison without a hitch both days. Devon was able to join us on Sunday. Yay! He feels pretty good, although still can't eat too much, and gets tired easily. Both understandable. Marisa swam like a crazy girl! On Sat she took 2.5 seconds off of her best time, and then on Sunday she took another second off of that! It seems my kids are repeating each other. Last year the short course state meet was the catalyst for Devon, and hopefully this year it will be Marisa's turn! She didn't win any medals or ribbons, but she had a great experience, and a lot of fun with her swim friends. She even met up with an old friend who moved away.
Thanks for your support!

It is still winter

Yes, I cannot tell a lie. Winter is still here is Wisconsin. Just look at our forecast.

10-14 inches of SNOW. ugh. It will start around 6pm tonight, through early afternoon tomorrow. I'm expecting the kids to have no school, and am actually considering taking a vacation day. It depends on whether I get my car back or not. I'm driving Don's car as mine is having something with the rotors repaired. Don's car is a little sports car, with tires well past their prime. I love driving it in summer, but not winter.

I am sorry I haven't been blogging much lately. I think the weather has to do with it in part. Things are nice and calm at home, which leaves me time for self reflection, instead of having to put out fires at home. I've decided I'm a messy person. I need to get to a place where I don't leave things laying around, and then end up handling them 4 times before finally throwing away.

Also I am trying really hard to actually work while I am at work. And then things happen, like the phone lines going down, or (more devastating for me) the internet going down. Last week we were without internet for almost an entire work day. I was completely amazed at the amount of work I accomplished, which is kind of a wake up call for me.

I'm getting a new boss, as the best boss ever is retiring at the end of 2008. He is already here, the new one, spending more and more time in the office (he was an outside salesman). I know he is going to have high expectations of me, and will be shadowing me probably this summer, so I need to get my act together and stop coasting.

So I am continuing in blogland, but maybe not as much as I was. For now.

*smooches* to all of you blurkers and posters!

9 years

I wanted to post this yesterday, but internet was down at work, and I didn't get access to a computer at home until very late.

9 years is a long time.

January 30, 1999 is the least favorite day in my life. It was the day my mom died. I miss her just about every day, and thank her for everything she did for me. I am the person I am because of my mom.

Love you mama.