So he made it 36 days.
I knew it on Sat. He seemed drunk. He denied it, but it turns out I was right.
I found a bottle in a new hiding spot on Tuesday. I left it there, and last night there was a 2nd one there. So I told him that I knew he was drinking again. Very matter of fact. No emotion, just detached facts. After his stunned silence, he admitted it. I reminded him I love him, not his actions, and asked what he was going to do about it, if anything. That I have to take care of myself and the kids, he needs to take care of himself. He said he would go to more meetings and find a sponsor. I did set a boundary that he cannot drive the kids anywhere from now on. period. I will remind him of this.
So today he called me and thanked me for 'kicking him in the butt'. Doesn't he see it? I'm not doing anything. I just bring it in the open. He referenced that at our first group meeting too, that I pushed him. WRONG. Nope, I didn't. He asked me to help him get help. According to his counselor, he hasn't bought into the fact that he can't control this. He says all the right things, but doesn't believe them, deep down. He said he relapsed because he wanted to see what it felt like. All together now, can we say rationalization?
I went to my first Al Anon meeting last night. Was quite uncomfortable, with all the people trying to give me these soft, lame hugs. But it was divine intervention again. At about 2:30, I had made a decision to find one to go to, so I found a place that worked with our schedule last night, and went. The topic was "Detachment with love". How appropriate. I had first hand experience last night, and I'm proud of myself and how I handled it.
He is lying about a lot of things now. I've found out a couple of things to prove it. But I can't do anything about it. I will try another Al Anon meeting or two, and proceed with my own well being and that of the kids.
I'm trying really hard not to be pissed about this. I know it is part of recovery, but it still pisses me off. I am sort of relieved this first relapse is out of the way. I just hope and pray he gets back on the wagon. I'm not sure he will. One of those lies was about the meetings too, so we'll see.
In the meantime, he is staying in one spot, and the kids and I are moving on. Without him for now. How sad.
Gee, this blog is good for me! Whodathunkit?!
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11 comments:
*big hugs* <--- but not the lame kind. *grin*
{{{hugs}}}
...also not the lame kind. :D
Blogs are wonderful for this stuff and the bloggers are the bestest peeps to give you a shoulder when you need it.
Stay strong, sistah! Stay strong!
You're doing the right thing, sweetie. You've got to let him confront his own demons while you take care of the kids. It'll be tough, but things won't get any better otherwise. And I agree he hasn't taken responsibility yet; he wants you or someone else to cure him.
I could understand if you felt like, "Why can't things be like they were in the good old days?" But there were no "good old days" while he was drinking.
Don't give up on Al-Anon too soon. Okay, the hugs right now are lame; that's fine. Just listen to what the members say and see where you can identify in, not compare out (as I am wont to do).
#hug# #smooch#
You're doing a lot of introspection and thinking. Getting your thoughts out in writing seems to be helping, too. You'll get through this, you will.
*smooch*
You sound like *you* are doing good, DF. Doing the best you can in this situation. Hang in there, and...
{{hugs}}
*big good non-lame hugs*
You handled the confrontation really well - making it matter of fact instead of emotional. I'm sure it was really hard to do that.
You and DH are on the right road, even if it has potholes and speed bumps. Keep taking good care of yourself.
*more hugs*
Thanks again sweeties! You lift me up, even when I'm down!
Hugs to you DF! Big ones, not lame ones, of course!
I was going to tell you I found a Teach Yourself Dutch type computer program in my mom's stuff. And I found a book about my great grandfather written in Dutch in my grandma's stuff - she passed away a couple of weeks ago... so.. I want to find out what this book says! I think the book is Freis - (Fries)? so I will do my best!
Hang in there Lady!!
Wow, I'm so sorry that this continues to be so hard for all of you. I admire all that you are learning and how you are getting through the days. *hugs*
{{lame hugs}}
Sorry. :(
Here's a hug from me as well. You are strong person and I know that your kids are the priority. I think you handled the situation very well. {{{hug}}}
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