Last night was a bad night in the dragonfly household. All because of DH and his problem. No, not the gluten challenge, the drinking one.
He got hammered early. I wasn't home (driving car pool) but DD told me he was acting funny. He passed out and then spent the rest of the night completely restless. That is why I only got 3.5 hours of sleep. I did end up sleeping in the spare room where Kim wants to live. (sorry Kim, you can't have it just yet).
He didn't go into work today. Said he was going to make a call to the center. Last weekend he mentioned he had been thinking about going inpatient. Gee, you think? Only what I have been saying for, oh, let's see, 4 months?! I would like to say I hope so, but at this point I have no hope. He has to schedule it though, thanks to his jerk of a boss. He has plenty of vacation, to miss a week. I personally think he needs more than a week.
This is breaking up our marriage. I will listen to the advice I gave to tkit, that this is the worse part of "for better or worse", so I won't actually pull the trigger, but at this point we are becoming roommates more than anything. I do all the scheduling, shuttling kids. Every time I try to trust him, he falls farther off the wagon than he was. I can't fight or fix this. That is the most frustrating thing for a fixer. Helplessness.
*end self pity rant*
Hey, don't forget to look at the pics in the post below this. I love my new paint. I forgot to tell you that we are getting a small mural painted in the inset between the kids rooms. I'm looking forward to that!
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13 comments:
What a rough time for you right now. Sigh. Somehow, we manage the difficult times and are better for it. Take care of yourself. *hugs*
Ditto what Puffy said. Substance abuse can destroy relationships, that's for sure.
Optimistic story: My SIL kicked her hubby out when he developed a drug problem (and a few other related problems). They were separated for YEARS. We didn't even see him for at least 4 years. They stayed married, though, and he slowly turned things around, and she slowly took him back.
About 7 years ago, they were back together and since have had two more little girls (they already had one). He seems to have straightened out and they seem very happy.
Hang in there.
Hang in there, df. You're right that this is the "worse" part of the "better or worse." I'm sure it's difficult and frustrating to know that you can't fix this, but what you can do is take care of yourself and DS and DD.
*hugs*
Sigh. I hope this passes. A marriage CAN rebound from this, but not until he's fully committed to making changes and getting treatment.
Now go enjoy your new paint. I hereby dub thee the Pretty Purple Princess.
Ok, so he went to the doctor and got some meds to help him through withdrawl. I guess that is a good sign. I just have a hard time being hopeful. He did admit to me last night after he started to blame me for "coming at him" that he knows this whole thing is "his fault". He completely blacked out the whole night on Wed. I told him I don't trust him, and explained that every time I do he does something to blow my trust again. It'll take a while. I'm not holding my breath, but I'm going to try not to be negative around him or ignore him, but take a semi active stance, without being too inquisitive.
I hate that alcoholics think they are the victim.
Well, at least that's something he's doing. A small step, but a step.
*hugs* You are very brave to go through this.
I was going to comment on how strong you are being, but sometimes when people compliment your strength, it suddenly feels "not ok" to crumble at some point.
It's always ok to crumble.
Thanks hon! I'm sick of being brave, strong, crumbling. I want to have a normal life. Or as normal as it can be.
I'm emotional enough all by myself, without all this extra stuff thrown in!
Gee, this sounds like a temper tantrum. But it isn't. Just weariness.
I am the Pretty Purple Princess.
You need a princess hat for when you feel down. Have DD make you a tinfoil one tonight. :-)
I just came to give you a big hug. And a big smooch. I'm sorry you are going through this right now.
A real, recovering alcoholic takes responsibility for what he's doing and has done. But note I said "recovering."
I began slipping in my program this week myself. But while there were a number of factors that went into what happened, the bottom line is that I did it. No one else made me do it. I take full responsibility and want to make things right, for myself and for LC. To her credit, she's letting this be my problem.
Right now, he can't be trusted. He's going to have to work and show -- through his actions -- that he might become trustworthy. I agree with MTW; it won't happen in a day.
Meanwhile, don't take any of his carp, especially when HE knows it's carp.
#hug# I know it's hard to watch someone who isn't sure he wants to let go of what's killing him. You're doing the right things, and you have my prayers and support.
thanks for all the support and words of encouragement.
Special smooches to Cyg. I know it was a tough weekend. Stay strong and focused.
60 hours. That is how long it took for him to revert. Whatever.
I've said it all along, but what do I know. He needs inpatient. But not at the place he went. They will dry him out and send him on his way. He needs to get reprogrammed. But at this point he won't do that.
I'm trying hard to maintain the opinion that it isn't my problem. It isn't, but the results end up being.
Well, I have plenty to keep my mind occupied without dealing with this stuff. So be it.
I think I saw Brett say "That was for you, dragonflies" after he threw that touchdown pass yesterday.
*hugs* I just really wish I knew the right thing to say or do.
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