No, this is not a movie. This is our life. Although if Clint Eastwood wants to come and do a shoot-em-up scene, he is welcome to.
The good was good. Kids had an enjoyable Christmas, opening presents, and spending time with their Opa, my dad. They loved the Wii that I bought them. Marisa is really good at the games. They were happy to get all the clothes they did too. The kids were great this weekend. They are getting so mature. *sigh* Also, I got a great camera. It is a Canon Rebel XTI. Lots of bells and whistles. That is almost all that I wanted. I didn't get the other thing, which leads to the bad.
The bad was bad. Don spent most of the weekend drunk. My dad is really upset about this. This part of the bad is a little good, from a selfish perspective. You see, my family has always thought Don just about walked on water. Now they have seen that he is an alcoholic, and that it really isn't my fault or the kids fault. I just ignore him when he gets like that, or if I have to put him in his place because he is being a jerk, I will do that too. My dad said he wants to talk to Don, and let him know it is apparent to him that Don is losing his family. Devon was supposed to have a dr appt today, but both kids were afraid to get in the car without me driving, so I had to reschedule it for next Monday, when I have off of work. Of course that made Don mad, and he drank even more last night. Nothing new there though.
Hence the ugly. On Christmas Eve he was drunk by noon. No one had yet arrived at our house, and about 1:30 he passed out on our bed. We were going to church for 3pm service, so after I asked him if he was going, and after responding "yes" he resumed sleeping anyway, so my dad, the kids and I left. It was a very nice service, and I really enjoyed it, and remembered that my family is really in Gods hands. Curiously, no one at church asked where he was. When we got back, some of the family was there, and he seemed a little better. Then more came, and he got drunk again. His sister, who knows, questioned him on it. It almost turned into an ugly scene, but they went downstairs where no one was sitting and had a long talk. Of course he gave the whole sob story about that he needed help, and I wasn't helping, etc etc. She actually semi believed him, until I confronted them about it. Meanwhile, his brother, who doesn't know, also noticed that he was visibly impaired (stumbling, unfocused, etc). He asked their sister, and said he wondered if Don was on some medication, since I was pretty much ignoring the situation. I figured I would let him create his own problem. Well, their sister set his brother straight. Of course Don had told his sis that he was going to talk to his brother about it, but neither said anything about it to the other, to the best of my knowledge. After everyone left around 11pm, he passed out again, and I was left to wrap all the presents. It was a late night, but I guess I had some peace & quiet, so it was ok. All in all, a typical weekend in the dragonflies house. Now you know why I like Mon-Friday best.
Today my boss brought in a bunch of yummy cookiez. Yay! Another reason to like weekdays!
I sincerely hope you had a wonderful Christmas, weekend, Tuesday. Smooch!
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14 comments:
*big hugs*
*hugs*
I'm sorry. And I'm not sure what to say.
Thanks girls. No need to say anything Boo. I have been using my blog as a way to vent. I always feel better after I write it down.
{{hugs}}
*sigh*
You're a strong woman and a good mother, DF. Hang in there.
Yes, hang in there. It's good that the extended family got to see what you're going through. Perhaps you'll have a little more support from them. Good of you not to hide it. Enjoy that camera and post some pics with it!
{{hugs}} DF. I had a grandfather and uncle who were alcoholics, and a brother in law who was an alcoholic/addict. It is such a struggle for the immediate family and there is so little you can do.
I remember my aunt taking a stand with grandpa and telling him he wasn't invited for Thanksgiving one year because of his drinking. I don't remember if he ever successfully dealt with his alcoholism, but my BIL was able to completely change his ways and my uncle has controlled his drinking for the most part, so I guess there's hope.
In the meantime, you have your kids and we're here for support.
*smooch*
Ok, so I deleted the above comment because it turned out to be a lie. In a nutshell, we had a long talk last night, he said he was going to try again today to go on the Librium and stop, but turns out he left this morning at 9am to buy some alcohol, so once again he lied.
That? is why I refuse to be hopeful about him.
I want to say whatever, but I end up saying asshole.
I hate to be the one to ask it... but considering what I WOULD have had to be going thru now if I had stayed with my ex... I have to.
Are you considering making plans to protect yourself and your children?
I have thought about it a lot Breezy. I haven't made any specific plans yet. At this point it doesn't make any sense to divorce him.
1. He doesn't hurt us physically. When he is drunk, he is just stupid.
2. I make more money, so I would probably have to pay him alimony
3. I can't afford to live in our house on my own, so we would have to move
4. He is functioning, as far as helping do laundry, groceries, etc. I would have to do everything then. I don't have enough time to breath now, so I can't imagine that.
5. My marriage vows said for better or worse. This is a worse. I want to try to go on, and see if we can get back to better. As long as we aren't being physically harmed.
I know there is emotional harm, but I don't see us getting away from that if I proceed with divorce/separation anyway.
Am I missing something?
May I ask what happened with your ex Breezy?
I knew a older woman whose husband was an alcoholic. She'd steal his bottles of liquor all year long and put them in loaves of fruitcake at Christmas time.
Some potent fruitcake there! Do you think it made them taste better?
I started to post this before but deleted before publishing. My BIL did eventually move past his substance abuse problems, but it took years. My SIL kicked him out of the house at one point and they were separated for at least five years, I think. She was in much the same position as you where divorce wasn't a viable option, for all the reasons you mentioned, except that it WAS better for him to be out of the house and away from the kids.
It was a long, very ugly episode in their lives, but somehow, he turned himself around. I don't know how. This was several years ago and they are back together and doing well. He still suffers from the effects of the drug use - when we saw him on Christmas Eve, he had just finished one of many marathon sessions at the dentist having his teeth replaced at the age of 45. ALL his teeth.
Up there ^ I wrote that he turned it around, and he did. But it took years and was very painful for everyone involved. I wrote it to give you a glimmer of hope if that helps.
Short story- ex was drunk driving on his motorcycle like normal and crashed. He is lucky to be alive, but his life will never be the same. Lost his job, may never work again...
Long story- I emailed to you.
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